I sometimes wonder how things would be like if things didn’t happen a certain way. I got to admit, I’m pretty stubborn. I personally see it as a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I get so determined to make things happen to the point that I won’t settle for anything less than what I think can be. The curse would be that I don’t let anything get in the way, I become selfish to have things my way to ensure it goes well. For instance, I don’t react well with teamwork when the team is made up of people I don’t want to work with. But I still do my part and sometimes even more when my stubbornness kicks in. But I always look back and analyze scenarios on where I myself could’ve done better.
I’m not perfect, and I know you all know that I’m not, but I do whatever I can in my ability to guarantee a job well done. There’s a method to my madness. I’ve realized that I have had the same reaction to different situations, from group projects to relationships. I first started off super optimistic, but then I would get stressed in the middle and then I would make a biased decision which lead to the end. For example, during my junior year I got paired up with people that I never worked with before. In the beginning I thought of it as a fresh start and have someone else lead the group for a change. Except no one wanted to lead and everybody wanted to do nothing. But since I wanted a grade for at least trying, I put my foot forward and started. And well since I did everything by myself, I was very bothered, so bothered that I cut them off and became a one (wo)man group. I made sure I got MY grade, and didn’t care for everyone else in that group.
But looking at it now, maybe they needed some extra push, like a lot. They didn’t want to do anything because they didn’t know anything. I got use to working with people that knew what to do. I didn’t have the patience for people that didn’t know. I want to slap my hand for that big no no. I can’t believe that I was so big on helping people out but I didn’t realize I left people behind. People are weird. We all learn different and see things different. My stubbornness blinded me and I’m embarrassed to admit. Since then, I’ve become more patient and open to different ideas from my own. Now I explain myself in so many ways to make sure everyone understands me and I ask for clarification when I don’t understand.
I feel like experiences like the one above has helped me in more areas other than just group projects. I’ve learned to communicate better on how I feel and expressing what I believe in. Ive also learned that there’s other people stubborn like me, some more or less. But I also have learned that not everybody is going to understand you regardless explaining yourself a billion times. And that’s okay. Be the bigger person and move along.
I’ve been getting better in controlling how I react in the past years. I make myself remain focus and calm to make sure I steer myself to the right direction. And if it turned out it wasn’t right, I tell myself that it’s okay, because I could always make a left when I needed to. I don’t know the answers to everything that I’m going to go through, but I’m learning as I go and that’s what matters. Thank you for reading, I appreciate (-:
Ciao! – Jenifer
Jenifer's Blog 