Sometimes I think about the things I’ve done. How unfair I was to people. But then I remember the things they’ve done. Or the way I felt after they’ve done something. I would get bothered by so many things and instead of confronting them, I dealt with it. Until I couldn’t, and I would push people away when I felt enough was enough, (a.k.a. too late) From relationships, friendships to even family, I always found myself pushing people away when I felt hurt.
In all honestly, it’s really hard for me to get hurt. Personally, I know I can deal with a lot of things, but in the end, what good is it? Dealing with stuff that doesn’t benefit me at the end doesn’t add up in my book anymore. I know that sounded really selfish but it’s tiring having to deal with things that you just don’t want to be a part of.
In my past ‘ships, I dealt with conforming to what was the “best” we could do. But for most of the time, I knew we could’ve done better, and they knew too. We tended to overlook problems, even when we tried to “talk” things out. Don’t get me wrong, both ends tried, but not our best. We would never put a solution to things. It was always pointing out the problem, but never pointing out the solution. Which lead to eventually push them away or just falling off. But through it all, lessons were learned. And I’ve learned a lot. But it sucked because I learned from people that would no longer be present in my next chapters.
From my first best friend to my first kiss, I essentially lost people that were part of a beginning. Or who knows? But would I go back and change things? Absolutely not. Things happened for a reason. But do I wonder what would’ve happened if we had done “that” instead of “this”? It comes to my mind but I did what I did because I knew what was best for me, even when I felt like I didn’t.
Currently I feel at peace right now with what I have going for me. I’m not saying I have it all down, but honestly I feel great about what’s next. I’m re/building relationships with people I didn’t think I would. And with my little knowledge I feel okay to flip the page in my book.
Thank you to those I’ve crossed paths with in my life. Although our encounter together didn’t last long as we both had hoped, it was still an experience that we both learned from (: Well thank y’all for reading if you read it through, just skimmed or skipped to the bottom 🙂
Ciao! – Jenifer
Jenifer's Blog 